We're facebook friends in real life
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
