so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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