Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
