The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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