Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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