Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
