Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
