don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
