Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
