i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
