Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
