You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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