So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
