hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
