what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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