I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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