just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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