So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
