I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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