I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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