i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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