Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
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YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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