Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sext me about skeletons
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
