textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My pussy is not your playground.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
