If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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