so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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