Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
