I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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