Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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