Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
it's like iHOP with fire
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
