I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
