HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's blow job season.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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