idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
