Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Are we still banned from the library?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
