Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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