Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
