Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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