Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
