he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
