do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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