My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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