Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
