You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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