well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
