Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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