But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
