discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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