This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
