My brain says no but my pants say off.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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