My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
