I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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