when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
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Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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