The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Barsexuality is the new black.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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