So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
