At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
