She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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