Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
one might say we're banned from that church
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
