They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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