omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
