I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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