i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
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You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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