And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
