enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
