so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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